so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize