My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
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His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
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I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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