Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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