They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
