You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
