Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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