Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
