Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
