Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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