hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
