Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
