thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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