And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I deserve this hangover.
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