And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
