He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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