how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
