I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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