I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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