he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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