May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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