They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
