i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
