Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize