I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
pop tarts are not kleenex
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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