i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
