FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
