Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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