Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
