I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
be right there i have to get my cape
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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