Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
