He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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