We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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