You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
