Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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