So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
