New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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