Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
