overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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