did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
