apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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