I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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