Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
