On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
