So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
