did you get engaged???
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
They took my balls.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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