I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
