just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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