yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
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I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
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Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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