I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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