yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
