so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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