I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize