you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
