I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just gargled with NyQuil
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
