just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
the raccoons are back...
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