Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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