we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
