I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
