My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
