I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Every concussion has its silver lining
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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