I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I cannot find my penis.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
