I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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