When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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