im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
