And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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