I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You were trust falling into bushes
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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