not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
