Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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