She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
