When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
