i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
