Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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